Trading Shame for Liberation

In this raw and powerful episode, Melissa peels back the layers of internalized shame—especially the kind instilled by religious systems—and reveals the alchemy of turning it into liberation. She speaks candidly about her own journey with metaphysical gifts, neurodivergence, sexuality, money, and mental health, and how owning what was once hidden becomes a portal to personal power, connection, and healing. Whether you've struggled with speaking your truth or have felt silenced by shame, this conversation is your permission slip to step into the light and be fully seen.

✨ Ready to live your truth and dismantle shame-based systems?
🌱 Start here.

🎧 Listen now and subscribe to Leaving the Church to Find God for weekly truth-bombs, unfiltered wisdom, and soul-deep liberation.

🔗 Explore more at LeavingTheChurchToFindGod.com
📲 Connect with Melissa on Instagram: @authenticallymeli

Transcript

1:15

(Transcribed by TurboScribe.ai. Go Unlimited to remove this message.) I had the funnest realization today because I have recently been more and more vocal about all of my woo. You know, in the past, I tried to keep like this balance of what came across as sanity, what other people could stomach, all the while like denying a lot of my gifts. And it's so fun because for one, the more I own these gifts, the more they come into like their strength, which is really cool. Like the channels just keep opening and things become more and more clear. It's amazing. But also like, it's fun. Like there's so much liberation and releasing shame. It literally feels like a trade-off. I talk a lot about alchemy and I was thinking about this is like such a beautiful form of alchemy because we really can literally trade the shame for the payoff on the other side of owning our truth. And that's how it feels. Like every time I now make a post owning up to more of my, any part of me that has been kept in the shadows, it's like, I kind of get off on it a little bit. It's fun. It's like, ha ha. I wonder who that's going to make uncomfortable. Well, before it was like, oh, I don't want to make anybody uncomfortable. I needed this approval or, you know, didn't want to be judged by others. I didn't want people to think I was crazy because I hear from dead people. I didn't want people to think I was crazy, that I'm having all of these visions and understandings and impressions and say that I'm channeling or I'm downloading because I know it sounds so hippy-dippy and woo-woo. And the thing is, is that it's also my truth. And that's something I realized recently is that there's more and more women, especially in this like neurodivergent sphere, right? People, especially people like late in life, diagnosed, autistic, ADHD, both different ways of thinking, just a different way of presenting in the brain, right? The difference between an iPhone and Android, it's just a different operating system. And I think that now a lot of the shame around that is being removed. People are able to like dive into that and explore what that really means for themselves and the gifts that come with it because it's been so stigmatized that people have so much shame around it. But now that we can look at it in a collective of like, I'm not alone, there's all these other people. In fact, most of my friends, you know, because that's one thing you realize is like, you surround yourself with people that you relate to that are on your level or whatever. And when you realize that you're neurodivergent, you start to realize also that a lot of your friends are neurodivergent. But either way, it's like taking the shame out of that and saying that you're not alone allows you to own it. And then to explore all the beautiful gifts that come with it. So there's just so much power in that. And that's one thing I'm realizing. It's like all of these witchy women are reading tarot or doing readings or doing energy healings and they're really coming to the surface. But it's not anything new. We've been this but didn't have the space to express it because there was so much shame around it. And it takes the people stepping out of the comfort of being in the shadows, of hiding in the back, of stepping forward and saying, this is what's different about me. This is what I've been hiding about me that it gives others permission to do the same because they see it and they're like, oh, me too. Oh, that person didn't get tarred and feathered. That in a lot of it, like even in this, especially this like witchy powers, it's in our DNA from being burned at the stake. And it's like, oh, that person didn't get burned at the stake. That person wasn't completely ostracized. That means that I can own this about myself too. And it multiplies, it becomes exponential. So I'm like, is it just that like all of these women or people in general are starting to express these gifts, these metaphysical gifts, or has it always been there and then people just weren't feeling comfortable with speaking up about it? I feel like it's important to ask ourselves questions about those kinds of things. But just shame in general, like there's someone that I follow, Shoshana Raven. She's amazing. And her whole business is around like slaying shame. And her story is, you know, she got genital herpes and she thought that that was like the worst thing in the whole world, but then she owned it. And she just like really started speaking it out loud. And every time she would speak it out loud, she felt more empowered. And her whole business, she's got like a multimillion dollar business around owning your shame. And so she really alchemized that shame and turned it into her gifts, turned it into her message, something that takes the power away from it. And that's how like these oppressive systems get the power that they have is through shame. And when they can get people in hiding and feeling ashamed of themselves, and so much of this is done through the church, through the evangelical church specifically, but also through, you know, the Catholic church, any of these like culty type systems, the shame is built in it because it keeps people quiet. And I remember that like growing up in the church, we didn't know, things felt off. And I knew intuitively things were off. There were a lot of adults, adult men in the church, adults in general, but especially men that I was like, no, no, and would not submit to them as my authorities. And it's because I knew that that was something off about them, only to find out later that they were sexually abusing, essaying, or I don't know what I can say on YouTube, other like girls in the church, other members in the church. And the thing is, it's like all the shame is put on women around their sexuality. And if, you know, like even starting in the Garden of Eden myth and how women cause man to fall, it's putting all of this shame around woman-ness, around our bodies, around everything about us, so that that stays hidden. And so that when people get out of the church, when people get abused, they don't speak up about it because they feel that it's their own fault because of all the shame that's been put around that, or it's shameful to disrupt the status quo, or this person is helping so many people. If you come out and speak about this, then look at all the people that are gonna be hurt because they won't be there to help them anymore. And those are all lies. And that's all part of the system of shame and how it's built to oppress us. And the same in our, you know, government systems, it takes people stepping up, stepping out, and owning all of the things that other people tried to hide. You know, like I think about AOC, and she talks about being a bartender and being poor, and so many people would like hide that because they felt like it would make them unqualified. But no, she owns that. And this is what makes me qualified because I can empathize, because I can understand. And I know what it's like to live under these oppressive systems. There's so much power, so much liberation in owning shame. And it's especially exciting when you realize that every time it's a trade, every time you own something that you were previously hiding in the shadows, you get a gift from it, either a gift of an opportunity or a gift of just being lit up inside or a gift of a new connection or friendship. There's always a gift on the other side of it. So it really is a trade. And when you think about that, it becomes a game. It's like, what else am I hiding that I can openly share? And I have learned this more and more, not just with my metaphysical gifts, but with my sexuality, with my ways of thinking, even just coming out publicly and starting my podcast, Leaving the Church to Find God, about my experience in the evangelical church, not just my experience as someone who is indoctrinated in it, but my complicity in it. And owning that complicity takes away its power over me. It's like, I can say this out loud, I don't have to hide it from the world because I'm not ashamed of it. And I think that that keeps so many people from healing is being ashamed of themselves, of shame. I was talking to someone recently and she was justifying her partner's bad behavior. And she's like, oh, well, I have a secret, like something really, really selfish. I have this big secret. And I could tell like so much of her life is being dictated by this shameful secret. But I guarantee if she were to say it out loud, that there would be other people who were like, I've done that too. And there'd be people that aren't bad people. And that would bring liberation in seeing, oh, this isn't that big of a deal. It doesn't have to control me anymore. And that's the thing about it. It's like either we own our shame or our shame owns us. And we're operating from our shadows because we're just trying to hide ourselves. And we really can't because we wear our shame all over us. Like you can be, you know, like try to look like you have it all together and try to look like you know everything that's going on. And you've already learned what there is to learn. You're enlightened. You're all of these things. But the things that we're hiding or that we think that we're hiding, we're wearing them all over us. And other people can see it. Like being in denial about it only makes it more obvious. But then when we own it, like we can turn it into our power. Like Taylor Tomlinson is this comedian. Sometimes, I mean, I think sometimes she's funny. Sometimes I'm like, whatever. We all have our own taste. But what I love about her is that she talks a lot about her craziness in relationships, about her recently being diagnosed as bipolar, about the things that normally people would keep hidden in shame. She takes them and she makes jokes out of them. And it makes people laugh, but it also helps other people to not feel alone. She's created a career off of this. She's thriving. But not only that, it's like, instead of looking like someone who is hiding and like wearing the weight of all the things they feel ashamed of, she's like a badass warrior that's standing out there, holding it all and being like, yep, I'm bipolar. I can be a bit crazy. These are the crazy things I do. Ha ha ha. Because she knows that she's not alone in it. And it liberates others to be able to own those things about themselves. The same, it's like this shame keeping things hidden, keeping people in power. Like I was thinking about like the NXIVM cult. It wasn't until people started being like, hey, to each other, like I was branded, like literally branded. I was assaulted in these ways. I've been controlled in these ways. It wasn't until people stepped out and started speaking it out loud, even just one to the other, that they were able to break free because it spreads. And that's the thing. When we liberate each other from shame, that liberation spreads and it gets exponential. It builds and builds and builds on itself. Again, it's not like a one plus one thing. It's a multiplication each time. I talked about this in my last video about authenticity and the vibration of authenticity and how it connects us to each other. And that's the same thing with like owning our shame is it connects us to other people who are owning their shame. And that vibration grows exponentially. Other people see that. They notice it. They feel it. And it affects the collective. The more people who do it, the more people who feel liberated to do it. So when before one person was stepping up and 10 people see that and they step up, well, when 100 people see the 10 people stepping up, then they step up. And when those 100 people are stepping up, then millions can see them. And those people step up. And that's how exponential growth and expansion, that's how it happens. It's a multiplied effect. So when I say exponential growth, I wanna be clear about what I'm talking about there because I use it a lot in these videos. But overcoming our shame gives us power to change it. You know, for so long, like I have this story, I'm really bad with money. I grew up in poverty. My mom worked super hard. I was latchkey kid. She worked her butt off, you know, on minimum wage. And, you know, we made it and we had what we needed, but we definitely struggled. And I grew up in this poverty. And being ashamed to say that had me stuck in poor money habits, had me stuck in self-destructive money habits because I was too ashamed to admit that to myself because I felt like as an intelligent person, as someone who's breaking generational cycles, as someone who has stepped out of that shadow, I should know what to do with money. But that doesn't even make any sense because it requires education. But I was blocking myself from that education because of my own shame. Like I wouldn't even let myself see where I was lacking. I just kept thinking it was because I just didn't have enough money. If I had enough money, it wouldn't be a problem. But that's not true because the more money I made and the more money I made, I still found myself in the same problems. They were just a different cost of problem, like a different financial price to it, but the same problems, the same energy of problems. So it wasn't until I could face that shame to myself and be like, this doesn't mean anything about me except that I need to learn how to manage money so that I don't spend the rest of my life repeating these same cycles. And me hiding that from myself wasn't keeping it from being true. It was only amplifying it. It was showing up in all the ways in my life. So it took me like facing that and taking away its power to be able to change it and to do something about it. And that is one thing like, yes, it's great to own our shame publicly, own the things that we are hiding publicly, but also sometimes it's just a matter of like the first step is just being able to own it to ourselves. And sometimes that's all we need because once we can face it, then we're good. Sometimes we do need to be able to say it out loud. Even just me saying this out loud that I've had many issues that have caused self destructive behavior that has kept me from being where I felt like I should be in life financially. Me saying that out loud takes away its power. So not only does that open up for me to be able to learn to do better, but opens up opportunities for people to be like, hey, I actually maybe can help you with this and reach out to me because they know that I'm open to the growth and the expansion because I'm owning it and I'm ready to do something different with it. That's an example of how it works. When you own your sexuality, when you own these things about yourself, it just opens up more and more, more opportunity, more truth. It's always a trade-off for something better. It's always holding onto your shame. It's not gaining you anything. And a lot of times we weaponize our shame. We shame others, shame on you for doing that. Instead of asking, why did you do that? And finding out where the root cause of it is so that we can connect in community and grow together. Instead of shame on you, shame on you. And shame, there is no, there's no good place for it. It doesn't serve to correct people. It just amplifies the behavior because most likely what is fueling the shameful behavior is internalized shame. So telling that person they should be shameful, it's not gonna make their behavior change. It's just gonna make them more shameful. And when we hide those shadows and we really like, the more we try to bury it again, the more it's gonna show up in our outside because our outside is a reflection of our inside. Again, I talked about that a lot in my last video. It's on the playlist that comes up at the end of this. I'm gonna have a meditation for this. Usually comes out the following day, but they'll also be like a playlist and that's my self-actualization playlist, which is a lot of these videos of this kind of conversation, these ways to set ourself free so that we can find our way back to our authentic selves, which is where our highest truth comes from, which is where our highest timeline comes from, which is how we connect, how we build a world based on equity, unity, love, compassion, community. Again, like working together as a collective. I digress. But when we are trying to, again, trying to hide our shame, we're just gonna show it. It's just gonna be written all over us. And another way is that we weaponize shame against ourselves is by not apologizing. When we're wrong about something, we have so much shame of being seen as wrong that we won't apologize. But the thing is, is the person on the other end of the offense, they know that you're wrong. So you're not apologizing only makes you look worse. When you can own your stuff and be like, ah, that was messed up. Okay, recently, here's an example. A friend of mine started dating someone that they had dated previously and that person previously had a bit of a reputation as a player. That was like 15 years ago. And my first response to my friend, who I love and cherish and want to protect, of course, was an insult, like referring to that person being a player. And I didn't think much of it. But then that relationship started developing into something more. And this partner is not a player and is actually being really wonderful and very intentional. And I could see this as being a beautiful thing for my friend. When she brought back up that I had said that thing, I was like, oh yeah, that was wrong. I shouldn't have said that. I'm sorry that I said that. Everybody deserves a right to change and to have a second chance. And that was so long ago. And clearly I was wrong about that because look at how he's showing up now. Can't you imagine that that was better for my relationship, for the trust in that friendship, than it would have been if I had made some excuse for it, if I had justified it, if I hadn't been able to own that and apologize and say that that was wrong? Like, yeah, but he was. So I had every right to say that and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Like, no, that makes me like the asshole. That does make me the asshole. I'm not gonna do that. Like being able to apologize is another way of owning your shame. It's taking the power away from the shame and saying I'm wrong sometimes. I actually don't know everything. I actually don't always have the best answer. Sometimes I'm operating from my ego. Sometimes I'm operating from my shadows. And sometimes that hurts other people and that sucks. So I'm gonna own that because by owning it, it gives me the power to change it. It gives me the power to heal, to build trust, to create opportunity and to change it. So what was once in the shadows, it's now in the light. That takes away the power because in the light, it loses its sting. It's not so dark anymore. It's illuminated and it's usually not that big of a deal. Guaranteed the friend I was talking about with the big, deep, dark secret, I guarantee it's not as bad as what she thinks it is. And I guarantee she has punished herself so much for this thing that she's shamed of that it goes so far beyond any natural consequence to that thing, guaranteed. Unless it was murder or essay. You know, like I can't imagine it being so bad as to like be held against a person and justified for their suffering for so long, if that makes any sense. The thing you're hiding, it's not as bad as you think it is. Other people have done the same thing, guaranteed. Even people that you love, respect, look up to, they've done things that you would be ashamed of that you wouldn't do. That doesn't make the other not true. There's this show, Sirens, I watch. I was in bed sick for a few days this week and a couple of days, but it was like a limited series. I watched it all day. But Sirens, it was so good. It didn't end all like happy. It didn't end in any way except like illuminating the truth that we are all terrible and wonderful. That we all have messed up things that we do and we all have good things that we do. And sometimes we're the victim and sometimes we're the villain. And sometimes we're neither or sometimes we're both. You know, I just found that it was a really big think piece. It's not like a happy, frilly, feeling good thing if that's what you're looking for. But it was a really great way to look at dichotomy of humanness, right? It was really good. When we speak our shame, when we speak out loud these things that we're ashamed of, we don't just liberate ourselves. We liberate others. We create the invitation for others to step into to own that as well. And this is how we change the world. One truth at a time. Only the things that we're ashamed of so that we can be seen, so that we can be seen by the world. Because we're hiding from the world and we're not speaking our truth. Woo! Thank you, spirit. We are not speaking our truth because we're so afraid that people are gonna see our shadows. But people are already seeing our shadows because we're in them. We're in them. And when we step out and we step into the light, people see the light because it's shining on it even when we own those shadows. They see the light that's shining on the shadows, not the shadows. And they identify with that. They identify with that realness. This is what's keeping us from stepping into the light. This is what's keeping us from stepping in and being seen and doing our purpose. Because I guarantee if you're watching me here that there's something in you that feels the need to have an impact on the greater good of humanity. And that requires being seen. And when you are hiding and trying to hide your shadows, you will not allow yourself to be seen. But when you can step into it, own those shadows, shine a light on them, then you can be seen in all of your glory and all of your power. Again, think about that comedian. Not hiding in the shame of mental illness, but owning it like a warrior and turning it into a gift that has brought about fame, change, wealth, abundance, so many things that she desired. It's all in the shame. Let's stop using it against each other and let's stop using it against ourselves. I love you. I'm proud of you. Have an awesome day.