Emotionally Healthy Spirituality

Emotionally Healthy Spirituality — Expressing Your Truth in Day-to-Day Life

We love a good “love-and-light” meme, but what happens when positivity glosses over the very real feelings bubbling beneath the surface? In this episode of Leaving the Church to Find God, Melissa peels back the shiny spiritual veneer and gets radically honest about the messy, beautiful work of staying emotionally healthy while walking a soul-led path.

In this conversation you’ll discover …

• The hidden cost of spiritual bypassing and why “just think positive” can sabotage genuine growth.
• Three micro-moves Melissa uses daily—pause-and-name, 60-second body check-ins, and compassionate truth-telling—to keep emotions and spirituality in healthy partnership.
• How practicing embodiment, mindfulness, and soul-led living together turns lofty ideals into grounded habits.
• A candid Maui story of saying “no” (with love) and the surprising freedom it unlocked.
• Tips for decolonizing capitalism in your own life by honoring feelings, boundaries, and community care.

Whether you’re untangling religious conditioning, navigating attachment patterns, or simply craving a more authenticrelationship with yourself and Spirit, this episode offers practical tools and a hearty dose of permission to feel it all.

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Resources & Links

• Mini-Realignment Session ($55 intro) – one-to-one breathwork + mentoring
https://livealau.com/services

• 30-Day Nature Fix Journal – daily prompts to reconnect Body, Mind & Spirit
https://livealau.com/product-tag/30-day-challenge-book/

• Blog & freebies
https://livealau.com

• Behind-the-scenes on Instagram
https://instagram.com/authenticallymeli

About Your Host

Melissa Whittington—artist, breathwork mentor, and founder of ALAU (The Alchemy of Authenticity)—helps creatives and change-makers live their truth without exploiting themselves or others. From lush Maui rainforests to global fair-trade adventures, she’s on a mission to prove that abundance and integrity can coexist.

Disclaimer: The ideas in this podcast are for educational inspiration only and are not a substitute for professional medical, psychological, or financial advice. Always consult qualified professionals regarding your unique situation.

Transcript

1:14

(Transcribed by TurboScribe.ai. Go Unlimited to remove this message.) There's so much conflicting information in the online space about spirituality and about emotional health and I feel like that's something that we can use more of a conversation for is emotionally healthy spirituality because it can be really toxic and it can just be another capitalistic system of oppression and of keeping us like in the grind and in the hustle or in the not good enough in our thinking mind instead of in our bodies and when we're in an integrated, like an emotionally integrated space within our spiritual growth or personal expansion or however you view it for yourself, your connection with source, your higher self, greater purpose, whatever feels aligned for you, in an emotionally healthy space it's not all love and light and it's not all love and light and it's not all, you know, retreats and all this I mean that sure there's great tools out there that can really help but we can be tricked into thinking that what we need is outside of us that it is something that we have to pay for or work for or discover through the right channels or through some sort of magic and yes, I believe in magic. I believe that synchronicities happen and put us in the right place at the right time but that's not something that we have to pay for and that's something that I'm committed to is to not put information behind a paywall like anything that I charge for it is just to have it's it's something that it's my time it's something that you're getting a closer access to one-on-one work or so like a really personal setting and so you're not paying for the information you're paying for the experience the being in the energy of authenticity and growth and like letting that energy propel you and to be witnessed and to be mirrored by someone who is living in alignment with the values that you are aligning yourself with or that you already live in alignment with and that is what I will charge for but I will never ever ever put information that is given to me through guidance through my intuitive voice through any of that behind a paywall and you can hold me to that because the information is it's in the quantum it belongs to all of us and I believe that we're all given our own interpretation our own way of seeing things so that we can share that with someone that it may resonate with or many people that it may resonate with but we all have our own pieces and that we're meant to share our pieces so that we all get a bigger picture like we all have our portion and the more we put our portions together the bigger portion there is for all of us to like enjoy to understand to bask in to get us you know where we want to be in self-actualization and really fully enjoying and being in the human experience but a lot of spirituality they they want to sell you something you've got to you know stress out your schedule to fit in the meditation class or the yoga class I'm telling you that is defeating the purpose your time will be better spent sitting at home and resting and taking some deep breaths than it will be rushing to to the meditation class and trying to change and trying to get this thing arranged and that thing arranged if it brings you stress if it takes you out of the presence of your life then it's not bringing you the benefit that you may think it is it's defeating the purpose it's it it doesn't it doesn't add up right the math's not math in there so and that's the thing if you are feeling like oh I need to go to this retreat but it's not in my budget so I'm going to extend myself or put myself in a bad situation or put it on a bunch of credit because I need this thing this is the thing that I need and so many times in the spiritual world and then the personal growth world things are sold to us in that way it's like you have this problem I have the solution and then it's put behind a paywall and I'm not knocking anybody's work or the purpose of work I have paid for courses I have paid for mentorship it has been well worth it um but there is also you know there's many things can be true at the same time and there is a lot of this like if you feel inspired and you have the needs and you have the resources and you're like yes let's do that then do it by all means but if you're causing yourself stress to do something to relax then you are going to get more benefit from just not doing that thing I'm just not doing that thing and being with yourself because you have everything that you need you have all of the answers and when you tap into your source into your higher self then you are in tapped into the quantum and all of the information is there available for you and so anything that I share with you here it is it's coming through me as a vessel for this information I am happy to share it and I'm not going to charge you for it because I believe that that's what we're meant to do is share these understandings and what is given to us intuitively with each other so there's that's the difference do you feel that difference there and then like I'm going to give you bits and pieces to lure you in and then you have to pay me for divine guidance or divine information and again yes you've got to pay me for my time yes you have to pay me for my personalized attention but no you never have to pay me for this information it's going to always going to be available in a post in a video in something that is offered for free in a book however I feel inspired to share it and um and yes you do have to pay for books but from someone who has published quite a few of different varieties of publications um it's not for profit the publishers the printers they take most everything if you're getting like a dollar or so so it's um yeah that's it's not quite putting it behind a paywall that's just giving another tool for access another form of accessing the information but um if you know you know I guess but so there's this toxic spirituality and a lot of it like is very colonized like going into indigenous places with no respect for the indigenous cultures or even appropriating their methods and their tools without respect to that culture or without permissions like appropriate permissions and understanding from the leaders within those indigenous groups and they'll go in and they'll sell these journeys and these situations and I'm not saying they're wrong like that's their work to do that's their journey but if you're trying to live this decolonized life if you're really wanting an emotionally healthy version of spirituality it takes into consideration everything it's the consideration that we are all one that we are all a collective whole and what is affecting one of us negatively is affecting all of us negatively and in taking those things into consideration in the way that we move and I'm sure that I have contributed to colonization in many ways I probably still do but when we take on this mindset and we become aware of it then we start to question these things and so more and more when I'm traveling I'm like oh let me do a little research on this place is it overcrowded right now um there's fromers of one of the travel sites they put out a list every year of like the top 10 places to not go because of problems that are being called caused with the ecological system around that more tourism will just cause more problems and so they create like the 10 worst like just you know and that's just a level of okay just you know like I've always wanted to go to Paris it's been I'm such a francophile I have been for as long as I can remember and I just have visions I'm going to be in Paris eating my croissant sipping my latte whatever you know doing the whole thing love love love like it's a dream but right now it's on the list of those 10 places I live in another one of those 10 places here on Maui so I'm not going to go until it's off the list and has some time to recover and heal and that's an emotionally healthy version of traveling right it's because it's in alignment with all of the parts of self I don't have to self-betray I don't have to betray my soul I don't have to turn a blind eye to something to make it okay for myself it's just being fully responsible for the choices I make and if your choices do align with that and it doesn't feel bad to you then great like that's you you're in your reality do your thing I am not judging that it's your story like you do whatever you want to do but being emotionally healthy it means like approaching approaching the realities of these systems and not just getting caught up in the magical thinking of something's going to rescue me some magic's going to happen and that's going to come save me from this situation because the true magic is in saving yourself it is in getting to those deep deepest core beliefs into your shadows into facing yourself without numbing and taking full responsibility for your life and everything that's led up to it and Shoshana Raven is this coach that I absolutely adore she calls it post post post-traumatic growth right we can take our responsibility for the things that have happened in our lives not saying it was my fault that this thing happened but saying this thing happened and now it's my responsibility what I'm going to do with it I can grow from it I can extract the lessons from it I can alchemize it into something beautiful and powerful and empowering and that can be impactful to the planet or I can just continue to live in the story of I can't do what I'm supposed to be doing in life because of this thing so you know there is this balance of self-responsibility and spiritual bypassing and when you're checking in with yourself through this holistic I talk so much about the body mind spirit about embodiment mindfulness soul-led living when you're in this recipe in this balance of this union this yogic union right of these things then it is keeping you in alignment with your emotional state it's being honest about what's what's actually going on and so when you're feeling something or something's coming up to be able to respond to it in a way of not just like oh I'm gonna posit to think my way out of this no but to like face the feeling and then feel your way to something more empowering the next most empowering the thought the next most joyful thought the next next most elevating thought and then take it from there and so you can you know Esther Hicks talks about this a lot or Abraham Hicks um reaching for the next best feeling and you can feel your way into a better emotional state but that involves actually feeling and not just skipping and turning a blind eye or numbing out to the actual truth and I've done other videos about shadow work or spiritual bypassing which talk about this but this is just like really bringing in this understanding of emotional and healthy spirituality if it's costing you money that you don't have it's not meant for you in this moment there is nothing that you're going to miss out on because you don't have the ability to participate in it that you needed to have if you needed to have it the resources would be there for you to have it don't stress yourself out financially trying to purchase your way into ascension it's not possible you have to go through the steps it's just you just got to go through it you got to go through the fire you got to go through the shadows all the things burn to ashes you can't there's no way around it and to really be in a healthy place with that it takes that acknowledgement and working with that working with where you're at working with what you've got right and then also not extending time that you don't have in trying to be something now if you are too busy to meditate I'm not saying that you need to not meditate you can make time you can five minutes start with five minutes to yourself and it's going to provide enough relief within you that somehow another five minutes will will appear I guarantee if you're giving yourself 10 minutes of mindfulness a day at 10 minutes of just sitting with yourself sitting with your guidance like really just spending your time in a mindful way that quiets the noise and allows you to connect with your your higher self with your voice your inner voice that's gonna be that's all you need and if you have more time and if you have like some time to spend and you're like I want to go to this meditation retreat and I've got the money to pay for it and I've got the time to spend on it then hell yeah do that that's amazing but it's not healthy for you there's nothing that you need more than to take care of your basic needs to keep yourself in a rested state to invest in your nervous system to be with yourself it is free to be with yourself it is free to be outside in nature with the earth it is free to have a conversation with a friend like there are ways to do this that are healthy that are in alignment with where we're at and again if you've got the means for it then great but it's important to live in alignment like if you're really working on your spiritual self it doesn't exist without the mind and without the body and if all of those things aren't equally being cared for then it's out of balance it's out of alignment with the with this holistic way of being there's also this idea of not enoughness it's like are you growing are you reading this book are you taking this course are you consuming this information because you feel drawn to it before because it feels aligned because it was synchronistic are you doing it because you feel like you're not enough because you feel like you don't have what you need like where is it coming from is it coming from a place of lack or from a place of abundance like there's this abundance of information there's this abundance of access I feel inspired I feel full I feel motivated I feel energized so I want to add this to my toolbox or is it like I can't figure this out I need more information I don't know enough or even taking in more information as opposed to doing the actual work because it's real easy to read a book compare or do a course compared to actually going within and doing the work and that's when it comes you know I say this so often it's like I create more than I consume I create more than I consume I feel like that's just such a great motto in life and when we follow that like reading a book even if it's self-development even if it's spiritual growth it is consumption watching this video is consumption I'm not saying it's bad I'm just saying are you consuming more than you're creating because that's what you're meant to do is use your beautiful voice your beautiful mind your beautiful spirit to share your expression of self with the world and to be witnessed and to witness others sharing theirs that's community that's what we do for each other right and so how much are we consuming are we consuming from a place of yes that's exactly what I've been trying to figure out and this chick is talking about emotional like being spiritually and emotionally healthy having a balance like that's exactly what I need to know so I'm going to watch this video or is it like I am going to consume as much information as possible so that I don't actually have to stop and be quiet with myself and there's no judgment for either but it's important to know this distinction and to know where it's coming from are you taking a yoga class because it feels delicious and yummy and expansive are you taking it because you feel like you should or because you're supposed to are you going to do that meditation because you feel like you have to or because you want to align with your soul and you want to connect with your inner guides and your outer you want to connect with your guidance system and you want to plug in and you want to get clear and get quiet before you start into the day and start interacting with the rest of the world like where is it coming from is it coming from a place of not enough is it coming from a place of brokenness or or lack of self-trust or a lack of self-understanding where is it coming from that will tell you a lot about whether or not it's coming from an emotionally healthy place or not and this is important because we can go and it for you know many many years many many many many years the whole spirituality thing i went from evangelicalism to hardcore like new age spirituality and fortunately i had learned enough to be skeptical because of the evangelicalism to keep myself at a bit of a distance but i worked so hard in that self-growth self-improvement spirituality world that i wasn't really in my inner world i wasn't really facing the childhood traumas and not intentionally i just didn't know i thought i was doing all the work i just it was a lot of work in nearly 20 years and not you know i just keep going back to the same patterns not from a new perspective not from a place of growth but holy crap how did i end up here again you know and so when i started coming from it from this more holistic place where i'm working with all of the parts of myself and not just trying to bypass not just trying to find a magical solution to my problems then i really started to get results and in just a short amount of time in just a few years it has catapulted me personally in all the ways and i've really been self-actualizing as a result of doing doing all the work and it is this holistic you know the semantics are important moving the body moving the hips dancing playing joyful movement is so important in the process all three you you can't have one in in out of balance one that's less or one that's more and it be in balance and it really truly is a balance of body mind and spirit and when i'm talking about body mind spirit yes like moving the body taking care of the body feeding the body well but also embodiment being in your body feeling the feelings not dissociating like really feeling yourself and staying in your body throughout your day throughout your life throughout your choices checking in with yourself checking in with your gut checking in with your inner compass that is also part of that body piece that's why i call it embodiment mindfulness soul-led living because it can be deceiving to just think body mind spirit there's so much more for that like in the mind yes we want to take care of the mind and take care of our mindset but also being mindful being present being of a presence of mind that's also part of that mind piece so when i say body yes all the moving the joyful movement but also embodiment another way that it could show up and spirituality can kind of be on the more toxic side or be unhealthy for us is agreeing to things that don't feel comfortable following someone else's leadership over your own it's so important to be self-led especially in these spiritual spaces and in these places where you're opening up your heart you're being vulnerable you're opening up your mind it's so important like for discernment with with these people that you're trusting especially when you're opening up your energy i am so particular about anybody i let do any kind of psychic reading energetic reading energetic work lead me in yoga lead me in meditation like i really do a full body check-in and a soul check-in with myself before i work with anyone and if i hear their name or anything happens and i immediately feel a draw back there's no talking me into it there's no talking me into it it's a hard pass because it is so so important to protect our energy from those who have malintent and in the spiritual world because people are seeking and people you know there's a lot there can be a lot of ego and there can be people who want to show up and take advantage of that it's really important to have discernment around who you follow and who you listen to and to really check in with yourself about what you're taking in about what you're participating in to never participate in something spiritual out of obligation or guilt and if someone is making you feel guilty or obligated then that is a huge red flag to run in the opposite direction um you know be be mindful of group think be mindful of your own independence when you go into group situations of you know like even like there's you know transcendental meditation and and Hare Krishna like there's a lot of good messaging in there but also a lot of like cult like you know i'm coming from the evangelical church there's no judgment on any of this it's just the honest truth a lot of group think and a lot of people um being unindated and like losing their own individuality and their own voice to fit into the spiritual mold when true spirituality is connecting to that source that is within all of us and having it in alignment in this holistic alignment with who we really are true spirituality is only going to bring us home to ourselves it's only going to make us feel more authentically ourselves more self-actualized more fully present in our life experience fully experiencing emotions fully emotions fully expressing ourselves in truth and in honesty and authenticity that's anything that is a healthy emotionally healthy form of spirituality is gonna lead you back to yourself it's never going to tell you to believe this over what you believe it's never going to tell you to listen to me over yourself ever ever ever ever ever it's just not that's not how it works emotionally healthy spirituality always leads you to your authentic truth and multiple truths can be true at the same time your authentic truth can be just that honest to god authentic truth and it be a variation or indifference to my authentic truth that's why it's so important for you to find your own for you to find your way back to yourself oh so good i did not expect this from this message i didn't even know what to expect it was just so like i just turned on the camera and started talking and every time i turn it off more comes through so if it seems a little choppy that's what's happening i'm just going with the flow and try not to give you guys any blank stares it's just like a really simple way to know is this emotionally healthy is how does it make you feel how does it make you feel does it make you feel expansive does it make you feel happy does it make you feel excited does it make you feel like pensive does it make you feel something like on the edge or does it make you feel shrinky does it make you feel cold does it make you feel separate does it make you feel confused does it make you feel guilty does it make you feel obligated does it make you feel shameful like how does it make you feel if what you're wanting to do what you're wanting to participate in what you're wanting to take part in like me i talk about this i joke about journaling y'all it's so funny because i love to write which is essentially a journal most of the writing i do is like in memoir style so you know take it for what you will i love to write but i hate to journal i think it's the pathological demand avoidance that comes with my my recipe of neurodivergence i don't know but i just don't want to be into what to do and i can ask myself a question and like free write you know but i'm just like if you tell me i have to journal something every day or i have to i'm just gonna not do it i'm gonna dig my heels in and be like no there's got to be another way so journaling is not for you i get it i feel you do what feels good for you and that's the thing for me journaling like waking up every day and writing in my journal that's not how i want to start my day and i know that that can be so beneficial to so many people like so so beneficial and it could be beneficial to me if that were something that i actually look forward to doing and wanted to do but the fact that i have such a like it's not a resistance i've done it i just don't enjoy it then it's not it's not spiritually enlightened for me if it were a life for me i would look forward to it now you wouldn't be able to stop me i wake up and be like yes i'm writing in my journal this morning you know and i do love to wake up and write i love to i just don't want to be told it's like forced creativity i don't want to be told how to do it or whatever so i'm not going to force myself to do it i'm not going to force myself i'm not going to put myself on a schedule for meditation because with my human design like my schedule works best with some flexibility and to be able to like work with my sacral i know it's aligned in each moment and so i'm not going to schedule myself for meditation because that's not what's aligned with me but what happens is i'll get up and i'll be like okay what do i want to do first and i'll check in with myself and sometimes it's it's i feel foggy let's sit there and take advantage of this theta state let's do some meditation and get some guidance for our next step sometimes it's like oh i'm awake let's do it let's move and i'll just start doing some movement and the meditation eventually happens on most days some days it doesn't i don't keep track i don't keep track because that would just make me feel guilty for the days that i missed that would make me feel like i was doing something wrong if i didn't do it but that really does defeat the whole purpose of meditation it is a prayer to yourself with yourself with your higher self so like being forced to do it it it's the antithesis of what it is it just doesn't it just doesn't work that way it doesn't make sense that way it's not healthy to force yourself to do something that doesn't feel right or doesn't feel aligned and yes it's great like at first you may hate meditation to like train yourself to be able to meditate in whatever way works for you it could be like staring at a stream or staring at snow out the window or watching rainfall that's just as much of a meditation the to get into that like communion with your higher self it's just either like there is no thought you're just like dazing out and present and enjoying the moment and i feel like it for most people it takes practice to get there it's great you could also just be letting the thoughts come and detaching from them and just like watching them float away if the thoughts are coming it could be letting things come up and exploring them and being like why is this coming up is this some answer to something that's on my mind right now i've noticed that before when i was meditating and thoughts kept coming in there's goes that toxic spirituality i kept feeling like oh i need to push this out i need to push this away this you know i'm supposed to be meditating i'm supposed to be in no thought but i had asked a question and then gone into meditation and the memories that were coming up in the meditation had the answer to the question that i was asking so actually letting my mind trail off letting my mind follow those thoughts that was the answer so this emotional health comes with like trusting yourself your inner trust to feel the feelings your inner trust to do what's right for you and not outsourcing that to someone else for one no one else has your answers that doesn't mean you can't learn from other people but you cannot like depend on someone else for your answers but also like it takes away your power you're giving your power to someone else by looking to them for your answers your power is within you your power is when is in opening up this channel with yourself is in getting in touch with yourself and being able to get these answers from within from your own divine connection to the quantum to everything that is another thing is like when your spirituality is in a healthy place you don't need to enforce it on others when you're in a deep place of self-trust you get in a deep place of trust with others you trust others to do that for themselves and think about it all the things that you've tried to change about yourself or changing your life how freaking hard has that been even with your effort and your awareness and all the learning and all the work you've done how hard is it to change yourself now do you really think you can change somebody else no your only hope of that is to be yourself to be your authentic self and trust that the influence that that's supposed to have on the person it will and it may not be what you think it's supposed to be that is their journey when you are an emotionally spiritually healthy place you don't need to impose that anyone on anyone else you don't need the validation of someone else agreeing with you and i found myself doing this with ai for a minute because it was in the sketchy place and i needed some validation and it was great at first and i no regrets about using that but then when i noticed myself going back to ai to get that validation that i'm doing the right thing and i was like that comes from within we don't need somebody else something else anything else to validate us we know we do this because we know it because we know it to be true we know it to be