Humility or Oppression? How to Celebrate Your Wins and Live Fully

In this episode of Leaving the Church to Find God, we explore the concept of false humility and how it serves as a tool of control, particularly in religious and patriarchal systems. Melissa delves into the ways humility can hold us back from embracing our full power and celebrating our progress. She shares personal stories, including the launch of ALAU, and offers insights on how acknowledging our achievements leads to true freedom. Learn how to break free from limiting beliefs and step into your authentic power.

🔗 Connect with Melissa: livealau.com | Instagram: @authenticallymeli

Transcript

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(Transcribed by TurboScribe.ai. Go Unlimited to remove this message.) Aloha everybody, welcome back to the God Pod. I am so happy to have you here today as we break free together from false humility and learn how to celebrate our wins and not only why it's so important for us but why it's important for those around us. So I grew up in the evangelical church and in in that environment we were always taught that humility is a virtue. We're taught to downplay our achievements, to be modest, to never make a big deal out of ourselves, to give God the glory for everything, to praise Jesus for everything, and to never really take credit. And while humility can't have its place, what I've come to realize is that this kind of messaging often serves to keep us small, especially women. In the church and honestly in a lot of religious contexts, humility is used like a tool for control. We're told not to celebrate our gifts or accomplishments because it might be prideful, but that kind of humility when it's forced, it isn't about growth or compassion, it's about staying small. This goes deeper than just religious teachings. Patriarchy has trained women for centuries to be demure, to be humble, to not take up space. This isn't humility in a true sense, it's oppression. It's designed to keep women from realizing their full power by convincing us that we're good or virtuous when we downplay ourselves. We've been taught that being humble means staying quiet about our progress or achievements, but what it really does is make us invisible. If we never acknowledge our gifts, our talents, our accomplishments, not only do we deny the world and ourselves the pleasure of experiencing those offerings, it also leaves us feeling like crap about ourselves. And isn't that always the end goal of indoctrination and patriarchy? To keep us humble so that we stay enslaved to the unwinnable game of life? It keeps us always needing more from something or someone outside of ourselves, never fully stepping into our power. It seems to be a theme. I don't know if you guys have noticed, but it seems like it's a theme, right? Now, humility, when used in a healthy way, it can be beautiful. It keeps us grounded. It helps us remember that we're part of something larger than ourselves and that our gifts can serve others. Healthy humility, it encourages compassion and connection, lets us know that we're not the center of everything. But when humility is used destructively, it becomes a way to shrink us. It keeps us from celebrating our progress and recognizing our own virtues, our own gifts that we're sharing with the world and that we have to share with the world. And that's where it becomes harmful. This kind of destructive humility, it tells us that we should always stay small, that we should be grateful for crumbs and not ask for more, that we shouldn't celebrate ourselves because it might make others uncomfortable. Give a little pause on that one. How often do we not celebrate ourselves and our achievements because we don't want to make others uncomfortable? But celebrating your wins, it's not about being prideful or boastful. It's about honoring the work that you've done and the progress you've made. And like any way of living authentically in life, a beautiful thing about that is when we do it ourselves, it gives others permission to do the same. And this is why celebrating our wins is so important. It shows us in a tangible way that we're making progress. And that matters. Celebrating our milestones, even the small ones, it reinforces us that we're growing, that we're evolving and moving forward. It's not just about the end goal. It's about acknowledging each step along the way. And if we're realistic about it, I mean, the end goal is dying, right? So why not live while we're at it? And when we do that, we not only boost our own confidence, but we also set an example for others. And, you know, I talk a lot about how the brain works. And when you think and learn about the pleasure centers in the brain, like celebrating, acknowledging your progress, it really does cause your brain to create pathways to expand so that you can achieve more. So it's important, like emotionally, it's important energetically, but it's also important physiologically. And people are watching. When we celebrate ourselves, others see it. And again, it gives them permission to celebrate as well. And even though we don't realize it, when we celebrate our wins, we're showing others that it's okay to be proud of themselves too. Giving each other permission to be human, to live fully in this human experience. When we show others that progress matters and that celebrating your journey is part of living fully, then the collective is lifted as a result of it. So I'm going to talk about my own experience. This past Saturday, I launched Allow, and it was not an easy process by any means. I've been working through limited beliefs, requiring my brain and body for a new way of existing in the world. I've had to be cringe, and I will continue to be cringe, just heads up. And by the way, cringe is just a word used by people who will never do anything that they're proud of because they're so worried about what others will think. And as exciting and fun as this whole process is and has been, it's also been equally challenging in all the ways. Even on launch day, I woke up feeling so amazing, so excited, but as the day went on and I kept going live and putting myself out there, putting out this project, not knowing if it's going to fail or succeed or what's going to happen, I started feeling what's called backdraft of these extremely uncomfortable feelings and sensations in my body. Like I felt sick at my stomach, but not like an internal sick at my stomach that like nerves sick at my stomach. Like I just felt all day and I didn't run from those feelings. I let them be, I gave them space to be, but they were real. So there was this equal level of excitement and joy in launching something that I've been working so hard on for months and months, but also all of these feelings of like, this is scary, this is new, this is unfamiliar. And that's, it's so important to stop and celebrate and to acknowledge that good things are happening because it also lets the nervous system, lets the brain and body know it's okay. You feel uncomfortable, but it's okay. Things are going really well, even if it doesn't seem like it. Did I make a ton of sales or gain a bunch of new followers on launch day? No, not at all. But here's the thing. I trust the outcome. I'm more interested in celebrating my own progress and impact than I am in seeking outside validation. That's one great thing about celebrating our progress is it builds that muscle just like everything else. It really helps to build us up to where we don't need that outside validation. If we feel excitement and fulfillment in what we're doing, then that's enough. And I know what it took to launch this brand. I am so fucking proud of myself for doing it. No matter the outcome, I also know that this is just the beginning. And again, I trust the process, not attached to a particular outcome, but I'm going to celebrate the heck out of the fact that I just did this huge monumental thing. By the way, if you haven't checked it out yet, go to the site, live allow.com. It is still a work in progress. It will always be a work in progress, but I'm really proud of where it's at right now. There's so many exciting things, services in person and online services, as well as a market that is fair trade, sustainable, future friendly, right? Ego conscious, all of those things all in one place. Plus there's the extra section, which is so fun. It's got meditations and inspirations, and you can link direct to direct videos. If you're looking for something specific, there's all kinds of good stuff in there and it's just going to continue to grow and grow. This took a little moment for celebration and self-promotion. But one thing I've learned along this journey is that when I schedule a launch or a milestone for myself, I also schedule in the celebration that's going to follow usually within a couple of days. I try not to do it. I used to do it on the day after, like I would celebrate, have the thing, and then have a celebration the next day, but know thyself, right? And I know that there's always things to tidy up afterwards. There's always going to be things I want to do, and I don't want to give up my celebration day for doing things. So I wait until like a good time within the next couple of days to schedule in a celebration. And anchoring in that gratitude in the celebration of each moment, it not only builds my confidence to continue to do bigger and braver things, but it also acknowledges the journey that it's taken to get me there, the hard work and the progress that it's taken to be at this point. We need those moments of celebration to remind ourselves that we are moving forward, especially when you have big goals. You're always aiming for something bigger, something braver. It's good to have that acknowledgement that you are making progress because it can always seem like you never made it. And what is that anyway? So it's great to break these things down into achievable bits so that when we do achieve it, we can reinforce that, yes, I'm doing something, I'm making progress. Because it may not seem like it in the moment, but if you look back on just where you were a year ago, if you've been on this growth journey, which I'm assuming you are on some sort of growth or opening journey if you're here listening to this, I'm sure that if you look back, you can see the difference between where you were then and where you are now. Celebrate that. Let's take a moment to do a little happy dance together. Celebrate that. That's worth celebrating. You are evolving. You are growing. You are expanding yourself. You're living into the human experience. Not everybody is. Also take a look around you. Not everybody is. So many people are staying in the same place, are stuck and staying in the same place, and there's no shame on them for that at all. However, there is a contrast there and allow yourself to celebrate your difference. We need these moments of celebration to remind ourselves that we're moving forward. Again, it's not about waiting for some huge win to celebrate. It's about acknowledging every step that gets us closer to our authentic selves. It is something worth celebrating. So I want to go back to this humility piece. Let's dive deeper into this, how false humility serves as a tool of control, particularly in patriarchal societies and other oppressive systems. When we're constantly told to be humble, to dim our light, and to avoid celebrating our accomplishments, it's not about virtue. It's about keeping us small. Why that matters is because if we're always living in the shadows, never fully stepping into our power, we pose no threat to the systems that benefit from our silence. False humility prevents us from taking ownership in our gifts, our talents, our right to live fully. The result of that is we internalize this belief that taking up space or acknowledging our process is somehow wrong or selfish, but it couldn't be further from the truth. The more humble we are, meaning the more we downplay our worth, the easier it is for oppressive systems to maintain control. If we don't see our own power, we won't fight for it, and we certainly won't challenge those who benefit from keeping us in a place of submission. I'm going to give you a few examples of how this plays out. Like in the workplace, how often have you hesitated to speak up about your achievements or avoided asking for a raise because you didn't want to seem too proud? This conditioning makes us believe that advocating for ourselves is a negative thing, but what we're really doing is keeping ourselves small, limiting our own potential for growth and success. It's not just about us. It also signals to others that staying small is the only way to get by. It perpetuates the cycle for ourselves and for future generations. Our creativity and self-expression is affected by this as well. Humility can become a cage for creatives and visionaries. How many times have you heard, don't get too big for your britches or don't outshine others? A lot of times this happens in households with siblings. If one sibling is really outgoing and the other one isn't so much, they'll get this conditioning to don't outshine your sibling. It makes them feel bad. Don't don't be too much because it makes the other people feel bad about themselves. And that fear of outshining others, that leads us to dull our own light. And we are light. That's our soul. We're light. We're light beings. We're made of light. So think about that, dulling that light, hiding that light, dimming that light. It's dimming our true selves as our authentic self, our connection to the divine, the divine within us. It's hiding the God. It's hiding God, right? Our expression of God is hiding that from the world and from others because we don't want to make somebody else feel bad. It doesn't make sense. And the fear of outshining others, it's leading us to dull our own light. Then we rob the world of our unique gifts and contributions. But also those who take example from that are not sharing their unique gifts and contributions. Our creativity, our self-expression, they're meant to be shared. They're meant to spark change, to inspire others. Staying humble in this way, it stifles not only our growth, but the positive impact that we can have on the world. When we stop letting false humility dictate our lives, we step into a space where we can celebrate ourselves without fear or guilt. We begin to realize that our wins, our progress, our achievements, they're worth celebrating, not just for us, but again, for the example that we set for others. When we fully own our power and our accomplishments, we create a ripple effect. We give each other permission to do the same. We show others that they too can step into their greatness without having to shrink themselves to fit into society's outdated molds. Acknowledging our power is not about being arrogant. It's about recognizing our worth, standing in our truth, living in alignment with our authentic selves. It's about breaking free from the limitations that false humility and oppression have imposed on us that keep us poor, that keep us depressed, that keep us busy, that keep us away from our lives and from shining our light. And breaking free from that, that's true freedom, letting our light shine. And that's the thing about shining your light, right, is it creates shadows. And again, we'll talk more about shadows in another episode, but when you shine a light brightly, what happens? It creates shadows. So not only is it going to make your own shadows more prominent, the brighter you shine your light, you will need to face yourself. You will need to face your shadows, but it also creates shadows that make shadows more prominent in others, right? It helps others to see their shadows. So it's going to trigger people. You shining your light bright is going to trigger people, but also it's going to help other people to shine their light. And the more we all shine our light onto those shadows, the more we illuminate them and then they're not shadows anymore. Celebrating yourself, letting go of this false humility, being authentic, letting yourself be a winner, letting yourself shine as bright as you want to shine, letting that happen. It is the best thing that you can do for this world. Again, think about humility. Who is it benefiting? Who is this being humble benefiting? Being humble doesn't, doesn't equal not being arrogant. Being arrogant is being arrogant. You can be proud of yourself and not be arrogant. There's a difference. Um, I told a story once, I think on here, but where I was going through a very, very hard time financially, it was just a few months ago and I was at a point, it was last year that I needed, I needed some help and I didn't know where to go. I didn't know what to do. I wasn't asking for a handout, but I sent a message to everyone that I trusted, even in my peripheral friend groups and just said, look, I need some work. This is what I can do. These are the skills I have to offer. If you know anything, send it, send it my way. And I had realized at that point in doing that, that what had stopped me from that was pride. I was proud because I was trying to uphold this image of myself as someone who had it all together. Someone that didn't need help from anyone that could do it all herself. But in that moment, when I put myself out there so vulnerably and really stood in the reality of my struggles, I felt proud of myself. Those are two different kinds of pride. There's the one that's false that keeps up a false show that gives a false image of who we are. And then there was the feeling proud of myself, of standing in my truth, of being authentic, of being vulnerable. Can you see the difference in those two types of pride? So it's the same, like false humility goes with the one, but celebrating our wins, celebrating ourselves, acknowledging our power, acknowledging our talents. It goes in that being proud of ourself. It's good. It fosters confidence. It fosters an ability to do more, to do more, to serve the world, to serve your own light, to make an impact. It's better for the collective. It's better for us. It's better for the collective, right? We're all in it together. What we do affects everyone else. What everyone else does, it affects us. And the more we shine our light, the more we get as big and brilliant and beautiful as we want to be without worrying about others, just trusting that the light that we have is exactly what we're supposed to have, is exactly what we're supposed to shine and give to the world. Trusting it and let it get just fully be, fully shine, fully illuminate everything around you. And just tune it out, tune out the voices, tune out everything that tells you that there's something wrong with it, or that you need to make yourself smaller. Just tune it all out and let your light shine. It's a gift. It's a gift. You won't regret it. I promise you, you won't regret it. I'm just inspired to do this while I'm talking. I was about to wrap up, but I want to lead us through a visualization. And if you're driving, don't close your eyes. If you're not driving, close your eyes. Either way, you can visualize this. A great way to do it, if you are, you know, need to be aware and awake in what you're doing, you can visualize a movie screen about six foot in front of you and up where you just look up just a little bit, a couple feet. But I want you to imagine yourself with this light inside. It's a flame. We call it a blue flame. Make this blue flame inside. And it's like flickering. It's burning. It's there. It's trying. It's trying to get some oxygen. And we're going to pull away like a layer of shame, a layer of humility, a layer of holding ourselves back and let some oxygen in, let some air in, let that flame get bigger. And then we're going to keep moving layers. You're going to move, move layers, move layers. Everything that comes up right now that tells you that's a naysayer, that tells you that you're doing a disservice, that tells you that you're making someone else feel bad. It tells you that that's too, that's too bright. What you're thinking, what you're wanting, it's too bright. That's just too bright. The world's not ready for it. I want you to peel that away and let more air get to this flame and let it grow. Watch it grow. And every bit that it grows, when you feel something in your body, find it in your body. Acknowledge this there. Let it know, I see you. I hear you. We can let that go now and keep letting it come. And I can guarantee if you're doing this, you're feeling something in your body. And when you're feeling that, just acknowledge it, find it, put your hand on it, send it some love. Be like, I've got us. We're just going to let this light shine and see what happens. If you're feeling some fear, that's okay. That's completely normal. If you're feeling some anxiety, that's okay. That's completely normal. Let that blue flame just burn through it. Let it just get brighter and brighter and brighter to where it fills your whole body. And then imagine that this light starts illuminating from your body, that you're glowing. You have this white light around you. It's not only protecting this blue flame inside, but it's starting to illuminate everything around you and bring joy and bring healing and bring impact in a positive way to the things around you. Imagine that just getting bigger and stronger and brighter. Again, everything that comes up in this process, just acknowledge it, send it some love, let it fall away. Imagine that you've got gold light shooting out of all your fingers and toes and every part of your body, just bright gold light shooting out and big beams all around you. Imagine it flowing and covering everyone that you come into contact with, everything that you touch, everything that you do. Imagine it just glowing with this gold light being covered in this protective white light, glowing with this gold light, illuminating. And then everyone that it touches, they start illuminating their blue flame inside. It just grows and grows and they start illuminating this light and spreading this light to everyone around them. And this gold light, it just comes out of their fingers and toes and we're all just glowing and shining and illuminating each other. I'm getting chills. What would that be like? Let that happen. If you need to envision this for yourself every day, let it happen. Let's shine our light, y'all. It's what we're made of. Stop hiding it behind this flesh. Let it shine. Let it shine bright. Let it affect each other. Let it uplift the plants and the animals and the soil that we're standing on. Let it uplift and go out into the atmosphere, into the universe, into the world around us. Let this light shine as bright as it could possibly shine and anything that comes up between you and it that wants to hold it back, you just give it some love, locate it in your body and send it some love and let it fall away. Let it be burned away by the blue flame. Let it be shined away with this light that's growing and growing inside of you and outside of you into the world around you. I don't know about y'all, but I'm feeling good. I'm glad I did that. I didn't even think about that. That just came out, but I love it. I'm feeling good. I'm ready to go shine my light and I'm going to let you go so you can go shine yours too. Thank you so much for being here with me. Please reach out to me on social. Let me know what are some wins that we can celebrate together. What are you celebrating in your life, big or small? It could even just be that I woke up this morning in a great mood. Like whatever we're going to celebrate, let's celebrate. Let's shine our lives. Let's shine these lights all over the world. Let's do it. Let's do it. Let's uplift each other. Let's uplift humanity and the collective consciousness. Let's grow this light that we were given that is the essence of who we are and let's let it shine bright all around us. This little light of mine, it's not little anymore. I'm going to let it shine, right? This little light of mine, I'm going to let it shine. Let it shine. Let it shine. Let it shine. Thank you. I love you and I'll see you next week for the final episode of the season.